"Just Got Hit in the Head by a Rogue Branch."

one rebellious tree
+
one unsuspecting victim
=
a comedy gem.


(title submitted by Kishor N.)

"How Did Tim Burton So Masterfully Make Me Now Equate Creepy and Scary Movies With Christmas Time."

scary claymation,
michael jackson as wonka,
chris walken headless??


(title submitted by Luke N.)

"Hodum's Links Depress Me"

the environment.
it produces many graphs;
all contain bad news.


(title submitted by Brad P.)

"If You Want Me to Lead the Discussion, Don't Take it Over and Steal the Credit, You Troll of a Boss."

she talks til she's done,
striking in mid-afternoons,
desk serves as warzone.


(title submitted by Will T.)

"You Wooed her Like Venkman. She Was the Gatekeeper and You My Friend Were the Keymaster."

smoother than slimer,
the stay-puft marshmallow man
wished for moves like that.


(title submitted by Luke N.)

"Booz Allen"

fall has now arrived.
cubicles stretch for miles.
a tribe takeover.


(title submitted by me. deal with it.)

"Why the Simpsons are Better Than Family Guy"

this one is simple.
family guy is stupid.
1 2 3 4 5.


(title submitted by Dave J.)

"That's What She Said."

"...I'm just a little 'stitious."
"Double Jeopardy. We're fine."
"Who wants some man meat?"

(title submitted by Dave J.)
(all quotes courtesy Dunder Mifflin, Inc.)

"It's Like English on Steroids, But Not Buff Steroids, Like Complicated Steroids"

brobdingnagian
ampersands epitomize
superfluous text.

(title submitted by Brad P.)

"Pretension Abounds"

popped collars surround,
english majors smoking cloves,
UVA's finest.


(title submitted by Kelly C.)

"Haikus Don't Kill People..."

OJ sometimes does,
mobsters also (& nunchucks),
haikus are harmless.


(title submitted by Ryan H.)

"Halloween Season"

Florida costume:
mullet, jean shorts, bud light hat,
a big dog t-shirt.


(title submitted by Luke N.)

"English, Por Favor"

dear: the SAP button,
I did not mean to push you,
...Simpsons in Spanish.


(title submitted by Brad P.)

"Red and Yellow"

double-decker bus,
faces the weinermobile,
clash of the titans.


(title submitted by Weijia J.)

+

"I'm a Koala You're NOT a Koala"

power animals,
are important to discern.
i'm a koala.


(title submitted by Chrystal T.)

"General Acceptance"

oh, elevator.
lazy second floor people,
they just can't quit you.


(title submitted by Nick G.)

"Do I Dare Go on IM While at Work?"

productivity-
a question of work ethics,
good thing I have none.


(title submitted by Dave J.)

"Are We Art? or is Art Art?"

one pretentious line,
followed by another one,
makes for weak haikus.


(title submitted by Beth G.)

"The Moment When You Realize Your Vending Machine Item Is Stuck"

anticipation,
quickly turns to frustration,
time to kick machine.


(title submitted by Ben K.)

"In Place of Words"

I am LOL,
pwned b/c U r a n00b,
adam FTW.


(title submitted by Trina C.)

"Taser Takes Down a Gator"

questioning Kerry
could be interesting, but...
not worth taser-pain.


(title submitted by Will T.)

"The Melting Point of Eggs is Mayo"

the egg sandwiches,
they are uncontrollable-
bring the mayonnaise.


(title submitted by Aaron D.)

"The Monster vs. the Chocolate Cake"

slurring and hungry,
a stumble to the kitchen,
...the cake is finished.


(title submitted by Dave J.)

"Delusions of Grandeur"

just for the record,
you don't want to be good at
eating krispy kremes.


(title submitted by Trina C.)

"The Punctual Opening of Her Car Door Enables the Untimely Purchase of My Bike"

seventy-two spoked,
judicious acquisition.
(spontaneity)



(title submitted by Rebecca W.)

"Rock of Love, Guilty Pleasure, Not Anymore"

catfights everywhere,
bandana-wearing singer,
Flavor Flav approves.


(title submitted by Luke N.)

"Crayola Sandwich"

burnt sienna lunch,
with a side of forest green,
crayons made me sick.


(title submitted by Kevin K.)

"I'd Scroll That."

is that an iphone?
ipod nano? not the same.
still scroll-worthy, though.



(title submitted by Rachel P.)

"My dreams remind me of that movie where Steven Seagal and Ja Rule team up to take down a corrupt prison...what was it called again?"

slow-motion kick moves,
a gravelly-voiced rapper,
true justice is served.


(title submitted by Brad P.)

"New Haiku"

what is happiness?
does it come from places within?
is it hard to find?

it is, simply put,
perhaps more simply than thought,
a cupcake with lunch.


(title submitted by Alex L.)

*note- this is not a new haiku. it is, in fact, a haiku from the archives.

"Have you ever seen the coloring book the FBI put out to discredit the Black Panters?"

what happened to them?
Calvin and Hobbes used to be,
so open-minded.

(title submitted by Kevin K.)

"NICKELBACK"

repugnant. wretched.
odious. revolting. foul.
abominable.


(title submitted by Aaron D.)

"Fashion Makes My Heart Weak."

tophat at breakfast,
pajama pants at the store,
a bowtie at work.


(title submitted by Ryan H.)

"Jacqueline, We Need to Talk" aka haiku'ed's answer to "Trapped in a Closet"

my world changed today.
the web was so innocent,
I just wanted friends.

kevin, I knew it.
who is this "pennybuckle?"
then, it all made sense.

"scamulatory!"
was the first word from my mouth,
I made that term up.

oh, little Jackie,
I saw some pictures today,
they made me blush so.

your "tagged photos," are...
and oh dear, that "wall" of yours,
Jacqueline, let's talk.




(title suggested by Kishor N.)
(secondary title suggested by the author)

*note- there is a backstory on this haiku, if you are wondering.

"Trepidation Abounds, I Search for the Smell"

my mission is clear.
accusatory glances.
a tale unresolved.


(title submitted by Brad P.)

"Office Birthday Cake"

two-sided menace,
made of sugar, flour, and
awkward office chats.


(title submitted by Alex L.)

"Booyah Sunshine, A New Beginning for Acousticore"

ears will be ringing,
with the shrill, shrill voice of Luke,
are we yet prepared?




(title submitted by Will T.)

*note: for the uninitiated, this is acousticore

"New Employee Orientation: Parts 1 & 2"

lady is humming,
why did she sit next to me?
I want to strangle.

things have bottomed out,
girl next to me is snoring-
...speaker perseveres.